Monday, May 13, 2013

Day 133: The calm before the storm

Back Squats 5x4, 1x20
Hang Cleans 6 x 5 

3 Mile Run

Pics From the Noon Crew
*Click Photos to view full size

REGIONALS: The calm before the storm.

Everyday feels different. There are days when I am on top of the world and leave the gym with my head held high so proud of myself that I felt prepared. So proud of myself that I was so close, to getting exactly what I’ve been wanting for almost three years. So proud of myself that I picked up my life with a focus and a plan and set myself up to eventually ‘cash in,’ and that time was now.
Some days I feel the exact opposite. I feel ‘run of the mill’ and over-trained, and run-down. There were days in the last few months where I would literally cry over nothing. I would break down because I was simply terrified of not doing my best, and it would remind me of the length of my depression I was in after not making it last year. I would think to myself that I didn’t know if I could pick up the pieces again. I don’t know what I’m afraid of, and where these doubts come from, as most would say, “it’s just a workout.” Yes, we are working out, and it doesn’t define us as people. But it ranks us in our preparation and our training, but to most of us, we are attatched to and love that part of ourselves.

Last year I gave my 100%, and it was a perfect representation of who Andrea Ager was as an athlete; and I got beat. I didn’t deserve to be at the Games, and I have had an entire year to gain focus and tell myself it wasn’t in God’s plan for me. Life’s battles we face are NOT because we are not good enough. They are in place for a reason, and just because we have hopes and dreams and passion in prayer, doesn’t mean God is going to answer in our favor. He has a clear view of what we actually need and when.

This was one of the videos released for the preview on the first week of Regionals. As they announced the other regions I was getting familiar with some of my other friends that would be competing at the same time as, all over the world. I was realizing in this last year how many places I had been and amazing athletes in the sport I had grown to care about, and how much more  connected I was with their performances.
The clips they showed from SoCal were so perfect, it shows all the excitement between the most serious competitors! Hearing the crowds roar as legends got their last reps, it made my heart race as you can just FEEL the happiness of each moment.
When they quickly showed SoCal, I anxiously watched as the clips were straight deja vu as the announcer says,
“The Valley girls have made it nearly impossible for new-comers to stand near the podium, but a motivated Andrea Ager looks to fulfill her dream.”
That sentence has been something that I talked about, and I pictured in my head for years now. To see that in hi-light real summing up the amount of courage that’s going to have to take place stopped me right in my tracks. It’s real, it’s inevitable. It’s no secret, I can’t shy away from ‘what my dream’ is.  If you were there last year, you can imagine how it feels for me as I face every workout in practice knowing the pain I will be happy to endure this weekend.